Relapse

I think I’m suffering from writer’s bloc… I just haven’t been able to sit down recently and compose a coherent sentence where I don’t get completely lost in the middle. My mind has been a bit scattered as of late. Perhaps I’m too busy.

I was contacted by a ghost recently. Almost, actually. Someone I had almost, but not entirely consigned to the dustbin of history and dissolved hopes. It’s just odd when they reappear. I don’t know how to feel about it or what to say. In a way becoming used to the silence is sad, but it just seems like the easiest thing to do. Well I’ve never been particularly skilled at expressing my feelings in words – so I’ll just let Adele do it for me… her finest work yet.

God what a song. I found myself listening to that more than Gaga’s “Born This Way.” I mean its good, but eh… I got more excited about Bad Romance and Alejandro. It still amuses me seeing how many gays on the iPhone app Grindr now have their profiles set to display the words “Born This Way.” Gurrrrrllllll!! Yeah, no. I mean, how much gayer can you get?

Alright, so I’ll get around here to posting this ridiculous backlog of links I’ve accumulated in my ‘saved drafts’ folder. But just a word first – the situation in the Middle East… now being described as the Arab World’s 1848. I’ll investigate that later.

Actually here is the main problem, which I’ll divert briefly to address. I was talking to my Mom the other day before I left for Colorado/Arizona and she asked me if I’d made some appointment or talked to some person about something I had to do, and I responded with an “I’ll interface with them tomorrow.” “Interface?!?! I mean, where the fuck did that come from. My fear of being reduced to a soulless walking corporate automaton has apparently already manifested, and I haven’t even worked a full year.

I can feel the stagnation coming on. I dread that sedentary feeling. Where the use of the computer and internet become so overwhelming, consuming so many hours of the day that the constant switching back and forth between applications manifests in an acute temporary attention deficit disorder. It’s no wonder I can’t concentrate anymore, even though I’ve been exercising heavily. Still though, this is precisely why I need to get out of this country. Whether its for academic study of Hezbollah or volunteering with the Peace Corps somewhere, I have a strong feeling that’s the only thing that will shake me out of this stupor – and this streak of the American disorder that manifested in my personality.

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