Stuff Gay People Like

I know we’ve been short on the political material here, not that I haven’t been reading… or seriously, seriously disapprove and am rather appalled by recent developments in the so called ‘Peace Process.’ A 90-day moratorium on settlement building for 20 warplanes AND security guarantees? I mean seriously. This is ridiculous. Israel, please kindly rescind your statehood for the sake of humanity. I mean really. That is some of the most disgusting pandering I have every witnessed in the history of diplomacy. It just disgusting. It should have been this way around: Israel, you extend the moratorium on settlements, and we don’t cut your billion dollar allowance. Ah. It makes my blood boil.

But luckily that is why we have humor. I found this excellent article today written by a colleague of mine who writes a series of articles called ‘Stuff Gay People Like’ on Out Front Colorado. His most recent article Having A Boyfriend is sheer wit. It’s brilliant. Having just ended one of the most intense relationships of my life I found myself laughing madly for the ironic truths in its prose.

Some money quotes…

That is why, when a gay boy finally gets his first boyfriend, it is often some closeted guy or maybe someone much older, who turns out to be the most brutal fucking asshole of a partner that walked the earth. The gay boy will surely love him more every second that it lasts, mourn him relentlessly for the first six weeks after they finally break up and hate him bitterly for every waking moment after that.

Closeted? Definitely.

Much younger? Check.

Arab? Check.

Mourned relentlessly for six weeks? Check.

Bitterly hated? Maybe.

“Most brutal fucking asshole.” Yup. That sounds just about right.

Having a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend, well, for more than 3 months. That is the holy grail. Like dog years, of which seven can be packed into a normal human year, gay dating packs 3 months into one ordinary month. That means that a same-sex relationship that lasts over six months translates into a year and a half of a heterosexual relationship. A gay relationship that lasts 10 years is basically a life of marriage. Congratulations are in order.

Lets see. By this calculation that’s 3 months times 10 months total equals about 30 months or just over 2 and a half years. Yeah it almost feels like that.

Gotta love’em. Gotta love’em.

Speaking of condensing relationships, whether gay or straight… getting back to Middle East politics, the Obama Administration is going to attempt to salvage the already smoldering ruins of a peace process in a period of 90 days. Will anything happen? I don’t know. I certainly hope so. He’s got a better chance of doing it that anyone else. I believe in Obama as a peace-maker. But do I believe in Netanyahu? No. I don’t think many do. He hasn’t exactly crafted his image in Israel or in the West as a peace-maker either, but more as someone who’s got militarily countering Tehran, or perhaps I should say militarily pre-empting, as his first priority. He doesn’t seem like he could give two shits about peace. Maybe he does though. Who knows the secrets of his mind. I remember there being a brilliantly written profile on the man a few months ago. I forget where though. If it was The Atlantic or something. Must find.

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